Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
