WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
