Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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