how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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