I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
