Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Randomize
