two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize