dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
