About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
