I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
