i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
