TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize