I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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