Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
did i walk over a car last night?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize