Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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