She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
