Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
