So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
