their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
