It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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