hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
