I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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