The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize