watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
