So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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