I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We got so high we made milksteak
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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