youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
