Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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