we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hell yes lets make some ravioli
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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