the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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