he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
