you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
