I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize