I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
