Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
