please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
