I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
