we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
