I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Barsexuality is the new black.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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