if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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