Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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