I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
