I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
