In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
