i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
