Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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