i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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