You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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