You work out of a Hotel?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
