Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
