Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
