I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
