Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
