It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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