Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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