i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
