lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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