i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
