It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
