so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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