he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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