i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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