Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
