She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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