and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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