Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
