The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
