she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
