I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
