Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize