I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
