no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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