Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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