Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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