Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?

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(601): View more from Mississippi

She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.

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(847): View more from Illinois

At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?

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(616): View more from Michigan

No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol

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