Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
