hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
