I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
