Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
