so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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