Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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