I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
