So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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