ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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