the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
