i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize