he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
