community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
