I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
