I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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