i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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