Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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